Imagine my horror when I opened my underwear drawer this morning and found that I had no clean drawers, or unders as I like to call them. All of my pants are baggy and just the thought of having to go commando gave me the creeps.
How could I not have noticed I was low on underwear? Because I have been a grumpy bitch all week that has been walking around in a stupor. What to do?
I snuck into my mother's bedroom (yes, she lives with me, not the other way around)and opened her underwear drawer and there was tons of clean underwear! Apparently the bitch can do her laundry but not mine WHEN SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING THE LIVE LONG DAY. I grabbed a pair and went hauling ass out of her room before she woke up. I held them up and they looked awfully damn small but it was worth being miserable all day instead of going commando so I put them on...............and they fit! Now that is a good thing. I think I'm going to have to break down and buy some new unders.
Ever since "sisterkatherine" (no, she isn't a nun) wrote about her batwings swinging as she played the violin the theme song from Batman has been on an endless play loop in my brain. I'm talking about the "real" batman-from the 60's-with Adam West. For those of you that are under 40 and/or skinny-batwings is that attractive underarm flappage that so many of us are prone to as we drop the poundage. Of course, my flappage isn't NEARLY as swingy as sister katherine's! Heh. I haven't lost NEARLY the amount of weight sisterkatherine has either.
Anyway- Batgirl (from the 60's) was the shit! She rode a tricked out motorcycle,which was unheard of in those days and she had a secret room with a really cool vanity table with her wigs and costumes. To this day, I HAVE to have a vanity table. Can't funtion with out it. She would stand there in her cute little Batgirl costume with her arms akimbo (Har! Akimbo! I am killing myself!)looking like she could kick some righteous ass! Love me some Batgirl. I want to be her when I grow up.
For those of you playing along at home I have lost 60 someodd pounds since my surgery. I am coming up on my 3 month anniversary and I had hoped to have lost 75 pounds. I really am not happy about this. I am turning into the snack fairy and it isn't good. I think I had my first dumping session the other night. I didn't eat any sugar but I was taking a drink of my cold Crystal Light and I don't think it was exactly 1/2 hour since I ate and man, did that hurt! It only last about 5 minutes but it was intense pain. I thought maybe I ruptured something. Is this dumping syndrome? Please leave a comment if you know.
God, I want a hamburger.
|Dirty Little Secret
After my surgery I became a cooking show addict. You must understand that I don't cook- I CAN cook, just don't wanna. About a week after surgery I was suddenly hooked on the food network. Yeah, I'm a freak. I can't eat anything they cook but I like to watch. I asked my coordinator if this was unusual and she said no that she found that you either got hooked on cooking shows or you were annoyingly interested in what everyone else was eating. Since being asked in great detail what I'm eating annoys the crap out of me, I'm glad to be hooked on the food network.
I even ordered a Chef's knife and a couple of cookbooks. I ordered one that has 140 recipes for eating after WLS but I'm not really fond of it. If anyone out there knows of any good ones, please leave a comment.
I'm also shopping for some fancy cookware because all of my pots and pans are old and crappy. Oh and I need a food mill. Hee! Rachael Ray, you are my god.
|In the beginning.....
So- at email@example.com's insistence, I have started this journey. I had a RNY gastric bypass on 12/13/05. People have asked me (a look of horror in their eyes)why I had it so close to the Holidays and was it hard? Well, yeah it was hard! But I had finally been approved, quit smoking, and was so MENTALLY ready for it that I wasn't going to put it off for another minute. When my surgeon's office called with the date, I yelled "SOLD!". Then I hung up the phone and cried. I was scared and nervous (this is major surgery, people!)but excited too. For the first time in a loooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time I actually had hope.
My pre op weight was 322. OUCH! That wouldn't be too bad if I was 7 foot 9 but I am only 5'2" if I stick my nose in the air and only 5'1" if I don't. How did I ever get this big?
I don't know about other programs around the country but in Tucson, Arizona my surgeon has a co-ordinator that weighs you, counsels you AND WANTS TO TAKE YOUR FREAKING PICTURE. Now, part of my packet contained a release giving the surgeon's office permission to use my before and after photos with out ponying up any moolah. I don't think so and told the co-ordinator that, rather bitchily. She convinced me to take the photo saying I would be glad later (riigghhtt! my last photo was my high school graduation photo and I am 45 years old!)when I got closer to my goal. So I let her take the stupid photo and almost cried when I looked at it. When did I get this big?
I have no full length mirrors in my house so I haven't been able to see how BIG MY ASS AND GUT HAD GOTTEN. Ah, Denialdom, I am thy Queen. Worship me.